Stevia & Flower Essences
by RandILLBFF
Summary: Pre- Established Rizzles: Jane and Maura are struggling to keep their love and their very being together, but it comes with plenty of struggles. This is a one shot, it's in second person and AU-ish.


You are Detective Jane Rizzoli, and you smile because she's sitting beside you once more, and you remember laughing with her until you both had 6-packs. All because you had some misunderstanding. Your smile fades though as she looks away because lately, the people in your memories seem so distant. It's just like stevia. It's all sweet until you have too much.

It makes you sick.

There's nothing more for you to do. You're no longer a thousand miles away, yet you feel so much farther. You've really had enough. Too much. It's just like having too much stevia. It's bitter for you now. There are tears in her eyes. So heartbreakingly sincere it nearly kills you. You wonder what her tears are for really. Perhaps the lack of something.

She's changed, that Maura Isles

And you've done the same, or did you grow out of each other? The answer doesn't matter to you because she looks you in the eyes. When she does, you don't love anything else. You don't see anything anymore. But it makes you smile. It still feels like love. It's when she looks away that tears you apart. That's one thing that hasn't seemed to change. Well, that and,

She still smells of flowers.

It's her thing, that perfume. Some expensive crap you can't pronounce and you hate flowers. Yet, this time the scent comforts you. Probably because you missed her so much. The essence which usually appeals you is now consuming you. It's bitter again. You've thought about it too much. She smiles a little bit. She wraps you in her arms, even.

She's sweet to you

Even though you wish you could start the day over again. To make her skip putting on perfume. She's back from two years of work in some other country. Time is very becoming on her, you think. Time has plagued you, you can tell because of the hours you've tormented yourself resenting her. But thanks to your yesterday, you were there for her today.

You love her.

Even though you can do the whole flower essences thing, she's too much sometimes. Too much, and never enough. Even though it's bitter now, you know. You know that in the end it will seem sweet. It's just that you seem to be in the way of yourself. You know that Maura Isles loves you more than anything.

You promised her.

You call her your wife still, and she calls you hers. Something's making it difficult because you said she wouldn't be alone. You kept the promise, even when she made it hard for you. You keep telling yourself that it was all worth it. Even though you're not sure really if it was or not, sometimes you can't stand her. She's made you want to scream.

Where were you?

Maybe that's where the fault lies. With you. She looks at you again, only this time, you feel like you're under her spell. Maybe you have set yourself up for failure from the beginning or maybe she's the best thing that ever happened to you. Or maybe both. It all kills you. You struggle for answers because it keeps you alive. When it comes down to it, you don't even like the littlest bit of stevia at all.

And you hate flower essences.

Yet, when it's on her, it comforts you, and when she kisses you, you kiss back. You've wanted to kiss her for a long time. It's like you remember it. It really is. You can remember the last time you kissed her. It was tear filled, and a dark time for you.

"Do you still love me?" You ask.

She nods, and you can tell that her answer is long. Complicated. For her, you'd wait a lifetime, even if the answer was no. You still love her, really. You do. She's staring at you and you really don't love anything else. "Thing's do change, Jane. You know that. But me, I always love you. Me being gone, it was a long, long time. I was there, you were here." She's stating things you know, or think you know at least.

"Please come back to Boston, Jane."

You left because the people there, they all had eyes on you. You wanted to get away, and just be Jane, without the expectations you set for yourself. You wanted to be far away, to keep trouble away from Maura. You left her, and it breaks your heart to say no. Her eyes water even more. She's crying, and it's your fault.

How could you?

"Janie...please..." Janie. She never calls you Janie, unless she's broken. You broke her. You will never forgive yourself. You pull her close to you, and she begins to whisper as her voice breaks. You wipe away her tears. The tears for you. "Janie, please come back to Boston... I don't... I can't function without you. Some days, I can't even get out of bed in the morning, but when I do, I see your ring. My ring. Our wedding ring and I break. I need you. Please."

"I can't go back to Boston, Maur."

You're breaking her more, and you can't help it. Times like these make you feel helpless. She doesn't deserve you. "You don't deserve me, Maur. I'm too broken." You want to live with her for the rest of your life, and you want to die with her.

"Jane, you're being distant."

You're sorry. It's so hard for you, and for her. No relationship has ever been so hard for you. No relationship is worth anything more to you than this one. "I'm sorry. I can't lose you. I love you. I keep saying the wrong things and I..." You fall apart in her arms.

"Okay this is it."

She says to you. You thought she was broken before but you were wrong, because she breaks in front of you. "I'm sick and tired of coming around to see you, Jane. I am tired of you hiding out here, and me having to come find you. I can't do any of this anymore." Your smile fades. What is happening? You don't know what's become of you. Suddenly you want your old life back. The happy one when you were a successful Detective not a broken and gone one.

You're done too.

"Maura Isles. My wife. The one I love. My girl. My sweet sweet girl. I love you, more than anything, and sometimes I feel like I'm not enough. But you're Janie, is right here. I am right here. I can't do much, really. But here's the thing. All I know is that I want you. I want you forever. Call me narcissistic, but it's true. I can't be in Boston anymore, honey. I just can't. I have a proposition for you."

She nods at you.

"Why don't we go to San Francisco, or New York, or Chicago, or LA. Where nobody knows our names. We'll get out of Massachusetts. We can be us. It's the best I can do." She stares at you. She's thinking, and maybe you sprung too much on her. It's the only thing you can think of. She smiles at you again, this time, it's a full smile. It's pure, with admiration.

Maybe you will have a good life together

"Really? Are you being for real?" You nod. "Okay, then. Fine. San Francisco. We'll go there, okay, Janie. We'll go there and we can have everything we ever wanted. You can have it all, Jane. We can have everything you want. Okay? All I want is you." Her voice is sweet, this time, and it feels real.

"Really, Maur?"

You feel like everything had been lifted from you. You feel like you have everything. The thought of you new life means everything. A family. With her. You love her. You have loved her since you met her, and and since the depression. You'll love her forever, and she's loved you forever. Whatever forever means. Maybe till you both die, you think, or maybe, love never dies, only people.

"Together, honey. You and I."

She quotes her wedding vow. You think about how it's like stevia. Maybe, you'll start trying it in your coffee, and you'll put up with her flower perfume. You may not even like the two, but for now, they mean the world to you. Maybe you've messed it up a little, in the past, but now you see. That Maura Isles is the only thing on Earth that makes you want to live. You couldn't take it all, and she's the only thing that saved you, so she's the only thing that deserves your time.

If only you'd seen that earlier.

Maybe then, you'd have filled the role of Jane Rizzoli. To others, you are bravery, strength, and courage, but to Maura, you are home, and you are everything. Now you see. She kisses you again, but this time, you feel close. You feel like one again. You're the Janie that she missed, and she's the Maur that you missed.

You can't wait for your new life.


End file.
